Enterprise Features
Our Enterprise tier was designed for organizations that need the absolute most out of a high school coding club. Here's what's included:
- Dedicated Account Manager: His name is Kevin. He is 15 years old. He will respond to your emails between 3:00 PM and 4:00 PM on Wednesdays, assuming he doesn't have a math test.
- 24/7 Support: Available Monday through Friday, 3:00 PM – 4:00 PM. We understand that "24/7" traditionally means something different. We have redefined it. Please update your expectations accordingly.
- Custom SLA: We guarantee a response time of "we'll try." Our SLA uptime commitment is "probably." In the event of a service outage, we will acknowledge it happened. That's the whole SLA.
- Personalized Onboarding: Show up to the computer lab on Wednesday. Someone will point at an empty chair. That's onboarding. Welcome aboard.
Enterprise Security
Security is our top priority. Well, it's on the list. Somewhere below pizza and above cleaning the keyboard crumbs.
- Password Policy: All enterprise accounts are protected with our proprietary password:
password123. We considered requiring uppercase letters but Kevin said that was "too much." - Military-Grade Encryption: Our website uses HTTPS, which we are told is military-grade encryption. We don't know which military. Presumably not a strong one. But the padlock icon is there and that's what matters.
- SOC 2 Compliance: We have been asked about SOC 2 compliance several times. We do not know what SOC 2 is. We googled it once and the page didn't load because the WiFi was down. We remain SOC 2 ambiguous.
- Data Residency: All data resides on Kevin's laptop. If Kevin's laptop is in the computer lab, your data is in the computer lab. If Kevin takes his laptop home, your data is in Kevin's bedroom. We hope this is acceptable.
Case Study: Lincoln High School
We are proud to present our flagship enterprise deployment:
- Client: Lincoln High School Computer Lab (Room 204)
- Deployment Scale: 1 computer lab, 12 desktops (5 of which turn on)
- Active Users: 7 (down from 9 — two graduated, one switched to Chess Club)
- Annual Recurring Revenue: $0.00
- Total Contract Value: $0.00
- Customer Satisfaction: 100% — we asked ourselves and we all agreed it was great
- Implementation Timeline: We showed up one Wednesday and never left
"The deployment exceeded expectations, primarily because expectations were zero." — Kevin, Enterprise Account Manager & Sophomore
Ready to Go Enterprise?
Talk to our enterprise sales team. It's Kevin. He's 15. He's very professional about it though.
Contact Enterprise Sales →